it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
