Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
