Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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