Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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