I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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