This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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