we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize