whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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