My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
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