i'm signing you up for texting rehab
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
My dick has a subreddit
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
