Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
