there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
