DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
