I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
soo... how was my night?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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