i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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