I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
