Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
