Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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