bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
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She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
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Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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