My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
