Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
we're making bets on your personal life
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
