I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
