i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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