think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
