Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
