youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
