So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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