Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
