Don't you send me to vm
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
