so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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