You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
