In America we eat man semen.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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