there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
