Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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