apparently the secret to your success is patron
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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