a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
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