Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
