Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
