I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
