My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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