haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Duck Duck Cougar?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Randomize
