He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
