i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
