Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
