'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
