yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
