I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
