I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
