i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
