I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
