but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You have to summon your inner elephant
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
