Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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