So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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