Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
