theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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