3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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