She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
