I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
