Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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