Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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