I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize