I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
