Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
