Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
