did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
