I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
