the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
